Post by The Exodus on Feb 14, 2013 2:29:43 GMT -6
Scene: Tristan and his Uncle Laurence are in Tristan’s apartment. Tristan is making dinner, while Laurence sits at the dining table nearby.
Laurence: This place is too big for you.
Tristan: It’s not like it’s a mansion. And I thought you wanted me out of the old place.
Laurence: I did. I do. I’m glad you aren’t in danger of being mugged every night anymore.
Tristan: So quit complaining. I like it.
Laurence: I see you put some of your own artwork up for once.
Tristan: [Shrugs noncommittally]
Laurence: Don’t be like that. [Pause] Are you seeing anyone?
Tristan: Not exactly.
Laurence: Meaning…?
Tristan: Meaning… Not exactly.
Laurence: Who is she?
Tristan: I don’t have to tell you.
Laurence: As long as it’s not that secretary of yours—
Tristan: What, Solange?
Laurence: Oh, God. It is. Isn’t it?
Tristan: [hastily] No! No—
Laurence: Tristan…
Tristan: What would be so wrong if it was?
Laurence: You’re paying the woman! That’s what’s wrong with it!
Tristan: To secretary, not to… I swear, it’s not…!
Laurence: Do you even know any other women?
Tristan: Yes.
Laurence: Live women.
Tristan: Yes!
Laurence: Gwen and the county coroner don’t count.
[Tristan says nothing. Instead, he turns off the burner and begins to put dinner onto plates.]
Laurence: I know it’s hard to put yourself out there, but you have to at some point.
Tristan: Ooh. Dating advice from Laurence Vidal. Very useful.
Laurence: Don’t be like that.
Tristan: I’m not. Why do you care so much?
Laurence: Because you’re my nephew.
Tristan: Not a good enough excuse to get on my case about Solange.
Laurence: So it is Solange? Are you actually dating her?
Tristan: Not… exactly…
Laurence: Don’t tell me you two are going at it in your embalming room—
Tristan: [Clearly disturbed] That’s just sick. There are bodies in there.
Laurence: Are you--?
Tristan: No. We aren’t. And we won’t. Because I’m her boss, not her boyfriend. Just get that through your head! [Sits down at table. Begins eating ferociously, angrily.]
Laurence: Table manners, Tristan.
Tristan: [Rises to get a drink]
Laurence: [Quietly] You’re not happy. That’s why I think it would be good for you to try dating again.
[Tristan does not respond. Gets a glass out of the cupboard.]
Laurence: -- Which is why I’ve set you up on a date for Friday.
[Tristan drops the glass. The glass shatters when it hits the floor.]
Tristan: You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t.
Laurence: I did. Go get a broom.
Tristan: You set me up with someone?! Why?
Laurence: The correct response is “Thank you. Who is she?”
Tristan: Sorry I’m not jumping for joy. f*ck. You didn’t even ask!
Laurence: Only because I knew you’d say “no”.
Tristan: Then you shouldn’t have done it.
Laurence: You’ll like her. Her name is Elaine Devereaux. She’s twenty six, works in HR at my office, and has a hideous dragon tattoo that you’d approve of.
Tristan: [sarcastically] Sounds like a real catch. [Goes to get the broom out of the closet]
Laurence: She’s your type, too.
Tristan: No, she’s not. [Begins sweeping]
Laurence: You haven’t even met her.
Tristan: She’s still not my type.
Laurence: Except the tattoo, she’s very pretty.
Tristan: I don’t care. I’m not going out with her.
Laurence: I showed her a picture of you. She seemed interested.
Tristan: Tell her I’m not.
Laurence: Why? Because she isn’t Solange?
Tristan: [Stops sweeping] I didn’t say that.
Laurence: Do I need to remind you about last October?
Tristan: Don’t.
Laurence: When a certain someone picked you up from the courthouse at two in the morning—
Tristan: Please don’t.
Laurence: And took care of your court fees…
Tristan: You’re really gonna waste my IOU on some girl from your office?
Laurence: Trust me. If you’d been in my office for the last eight months, you’d understand.
Tristan: What does that mean?
Laurence: Look. Just take Elaine to her sister’s wedding. Show here a good time. That’s all I’m asking. Maybe then she’ll leave the rest of us alone at work.
Tristan: I don’t do weddings.
Laurence: You already have a suit.
Tristan: If I do this, you’ll never mention what happened in October ever again?
Laurence: I promise.
Tristan: And I don’t have to actually go out with her?
Laurence: Just show her a good time at the wedding. But if you do go out with her—
Tristan: I’m not going to go out with her.
Laurence: I’m just saying don’t write her off. [Pause] You know if you dated Solange, things would go up in smoke and then you’ll lose her as your secretary.
Tristan: Trust me. I know.
Laurence: Elaine will be good for you.
Tristan: That’s what they used to say about blood letting.
Laurence: Tristan…
Tristan: I won’t say that to her face. Promise.
Laurence: Just show her a good time.
Laurence: This place is too big for you.
Tristan: It’s not like it’s a mansion. And I thought you wanted me out of the old place.
Laurence: I did. I do. I’m glad you aren’t in danger of being mugged every night anymore.
Tristan: So quit complaining. I like it.
Laurence: I see you put some of your own artwork up for once.
Tristan: [Shrugs noncommittally]
Laurence: Don’t be like that. [Pause] Are you seeing anyone?
Tristan: Not exactly.
Laurence: Meaning…?
Tristan: Meaning… Not exactly.
Laurence: Who is she?
Tristan: I don’t have to tell you.
Laurence: As long as it’s not that secretary of yours—
Tristan: What, Solange?
Laurence: Oh, God. It is. Isn’t it?
Tristan: [hastily] No! No—
Laurence: Tristan…
Tristan: What would be so wrong if it was?
Laurence: You’re paying the woman! That’s what’s wrong with it!
Tristan: To secretary, not to… I swear, it’s not…!
Laurence: Do you even know any other women?
Tristan: Yes.
Laurence: Live women.
Tristan: Yes!
Laurence: Gwen and the county coroner don’t count.
[Tristan says nothing. Instead, he turns off the burner and begins to put dinner onto plates.]
Laurence: I know it’s hard to put yourself out there, but you have to at some point.
Tristan: Ooh. Dating advice from Laurence Vidal. Very useful.
Laurence: Don’t be like that.
Tristan: I’m not. Why do you care so much?
Laurence: Because you’re my nephew.
Tristan: Not a good enough excuse to get on my case about Solange.
Laurence: So it is Solange? Are you actually dating her?
Tristan: Not… exactly…
Laurence: Don’t tell me you two are going at it in your embalming room—
Tristan: [Clearly disturbed] That’s just sick. There are bodies in there.
Laurence: Are you--?
Tristan: No. We aren’t. And we won’t. Because I’m her boss, not her boyfriend. Just get that through your head! [Sits down at table. Begins eating ferociously, angrily.]
Laurence: Table manners, Tristan.
Tristan: [Rises to get a drink]
Laurence: [Quietly] You’re not happy. That’s why I think it would be good for you to try dating again.
[Tristan does not respond. Gets a glass out of the cupboard.]
Laurence: -- Which is why I’ve set you up on a date for Friday.
[Tristan drops the glass. The glass shatters when it hits the floor.]
Tristan: You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t.
Laurence: I did. Go get a broom.
Tristan: You set me up with someone?! Why?
Laurence: The correct response is “Thank you. Who is she?”
Tristan: Sorry I’m not jumping for joy. f*ck. You didn’t even ask!
Laurence: Only because I knew you’d say “no”.
Tristan: Then you shouldn’t have done it.
Laurence: You’ll like her. Her name is Elaine Devereaux. She’s twenty six, works in HR at my office, and has a hideous dragon tattoo that you’d approve of.
Tristan: [sarcastically] Sounds like a real catch. [Goes to get the broom out of the closet]
Laurence: She’s your type, too.
Tristan: No, she’s not. [Begins sweeping]
Laurence: You haven’t even met her.
Tristan: She’s still not my type.
Laurence: Except the tattoo, she’s very pretty.
Tristan: I don’t care. I’m not going out with her.
Laurence: I showed her a picture of you. She seemed interested.
Tristan: Tell her I’m not.
Laurence: Why? Because she isn’t Solange?
Tristan: [Stops sweeping] I didn’t say that.
Laurence: Do I need to remind you about last October?
Tristan: Don’t.
Laurence: When a certain someone picked you up from the courthouse at two in the morning—
Tristan: Please don’t.
Laurence: And took care of your court fees…
Tristan: You’re really gonna waste my IOU on some girl from your office?
Laurence: Trust me. If you’d been in my office for the last eight months, you’d understand.
Tristan: What does that mean?
Laurence: Look. Just take Elaine to her sister’s wedding. Show here a good time. That’s all I’m asking. Maybe then she’ll leave the rest of us alone at work.
Tristan: I don’t do weddings.
Laurence: You already have a suit.
Tristan: If I do this, you’ll never mention what happened in October ever again?
Laurence: I promise.
Tristan: And I don’t have to actually go out with her?
Laurence: Just show her a good time at the wedding. But if you do go out with her—
Tristan: I’m not going to go out with her.
Laurence: I’m just saying don’t write her off. [Pause] You know if you dated Solange, things would go up in smoke and then you’ll lose her as your secretary.
Tristan: Trust me. I know.
Laurence: Elaine will be good for you.
Tristan: That’s what they used to say about blood letting.
Laurence: Tristan…
Tristan: I won’t say that to her face. Promise.
Laurence: Just show her a good time.
